The “I Can’t” Wall

Reflections from a short run through Mandeville Canyon

“Hitting the wall” or “bonking” are commonly used in endurance sports and happen when the body has depleted its energy stores. You feel like you have nothing left – a physiological response. I’ve felt that I’ve been hitting a different kind of wall, a mental battle that I’ve deemed my “I Can’t” wall. This “I Can’t” wall is not a physical barrier but a mental one I’ve built over time. It’s a wall that I’ve hit in my mind, telling me I can’t go further, I can’t push harder, I can’t keep running.

Since September, my training has shifted from predominately rucking to trail running. The routes I frequent are generally the same, but I can cover more ground in the same amount of time. Rucking is a lot of hiking and moving with some pace on flat and downhill sections.

I’ve struggled with keeping any consistency running uphill – yes, running, not power hiking. What I realized today was that though there is a physical aspect I’m still building, there is an intense mental barrier that I have been blocked by. This mental barrier is not just a fleeting thought but a deep-seated belief that I can’t keep going. I’ll be running up a hill, and I stop and walk; my brain says, “I can’t keep going,” and so I don’t. I hike pretty fast, so what’s the harm?

Today, I made a conscious decision to change the narrative. I read somewhere that” ‘I can’t’ usually means ‘I won’t.’” Today, I realized this is how I have been treating my running. It would start getting hard, so I resorted to something more manageable and comfortable. Today, rather than sticking with the hiking for the entirety of the ascent (which I often have been doing), I allowed myself to hike for very short bits but switched to running sooner and more consistently. My ”I can’t run up this hill” turned into” I will run up this hill (even if it’s just to that tree).” And when I did, I felt a sense of achievement that I hadn’t felt before.

Words matter. Mindset matters. Sometimes, we build the wall ourselves. But remember, we also have the power to knock it down. We decide how to frame our challenges and the language we use. That’s where our real power lies.

Until the next. 🏃‍♀️🧨⛰️