Why I Stopped Drinking — And Why I Haven’t Started Again
In the spring of 2024, I began quietly stepping away from alcohol. I can point back to a specific Sunday morning hike in mid-May. I was tripping and falling all over a rugged trail, frustrated with my balance. “Why is this happening?” I grunted. Eventually it clicked: it wasn’t just the terrain on a new trail, but the few glasses of wine from the night before throwing off my equilibrium.
This isn’t a wild story. I didn’t get injured or chased by a mountain lion, but it was enough feedback from the earth to make me pause. I have read all of the books where people find endurance sports or some radical shift, and decide to quit drinking. Every time, I thought, “That’s not me.“
Clearly, this wasn’t a dramatic decision. No announcements. Or 30-day challenge. I just started drinking less for the rest of the summer. A few cocktails here, an occasional Sunday Funday there, and yeah, a bender or two of a weekend. But something had started to shift.
The Real Turning Point
That October, I had a dental surgery and was prescribed antibiotics. Wanting to give my body the best shot at healing, I cut alcohol altogether for a few weeks. Around the same time, I experimented with a few short cycles of microdosing mushrooms. That experience quietly reshaped the way I navigated my days. I became more present in my days and needed less to distract or disconnect.
When I went out with friends, I noticed something new: I didn’t have the same desire to party. I didn’t chase the buzz. I liked how I felt sober. I was steady, grounded, and clear. I even think I’m funnier (a debatable claim, sure).
So, I leaned in. For my birthday at the end of November, instead of a night of beers and bars, I celebrated with miles in the mountains. It felt like a reclaiming of something deeper.
Through the holidays, I stayed “California sober,” that is, no alcohol, but using THC. On New Year’s Eve, I spent the evening with friends and hit a pen throughout the night, but the next day, I realized that wasn’t serving me anymore. My sleep was consistently off, and my Whoop made sure I knew it. I didn’t feel genuinely social when I was high. I found myself sneaking out of gatherings early to roam around solo. So I decided to cut that out too and see what happened. I haven’t gone back since.
Old Patterns, New Awareness
About a week after New Year’s, the LA wildfires broke out. They shook our entire community. Friends lost their homes. We were constantly on edge, glued to the 24-hour, adrenaline-pumping news cycle, and waiting for evacuation notices that kept turning out to be false alarms.
After several days of tension and uncertainty, a few of us planned to meet at a local pub. Before I left the house, a familiar thought floated through my head: “I could really use a drink tonight.” That was the first time in months I had that impulse. The sky opened a bit, and I saw it for what it was. It wasn’t wanting a drink. It was about wanting escape. I was in fight-or-flight mode. A few pints would be an easy off-switch and edge out any emotions.
That moment gave me clarity. And let me be clear. I’m not anti-alcohol. I still appreciate tasting a wine with friends from time to time. But I better understand the why behind my choices. I recognize the cycle: high-emotion, drink, numb, repeat. And now, my awareness enables me to break it or, at the very least, navigate it more honestly.
Still a Work in Progress
Avoidance can wear many disguises. I still catch myself looking for an escape. I now tend to fall back on a long run or a tough gym session. And while those are healthier options, I’m learning not to use them as crutches. I’m not looking for perfection, but growth and honesty with myself.
This journey isn’t about perfection, labels, or strict rules. It’s about being fully present in my life through the joy, the stress, the stillness, and the chaos.
I’m still figuring it out. Slowly by slowly.
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