“How can you have faith in yourself or anyone else if you don’t have faith in something bigger?”
God. Yes, that’s what they meant. But, for the sake of this post, let’s use “God” in a broader sense – a higher power, an absolute, Allah, Elohim, the Universe, whatever name fits. That something bigger than ourselves that you may not want to (or can’t quite) name, but somehow know is there. Or maybe you don’t. However you define it, that’s where we’ll start.
When someone asked me this question a few months ago, I was surprised. Almost offended. I’ve always said I believed in something “bigger than myself,” but never dove deep into exploring what that really meant. And the truth was that I didn’t know what it meant to me, but it was better to err on the side of believing in something than nothing at all.
How I Learned (and Unlearned) Faith
I grew up going to Sunday School at a Catholic Church. We didn’t attend church regularly, and by high school, my parents gave me a choice: continue toward Confirmation or not. I opted out. Partially because sports were more fun, but also because I didn’t feel the need to pretend to believe in something I was so unsure of.
In college, I dropped in on non-denominational churches, appreciating some of the sermons but not the rest of the song-and-dance. I would go to Catholic Mass with my boyfriend because it was part of his upbringing. Later, we got married in a Catholic Church.
I’ve attended Passover Seder dinners with friends for many years. I found the ritual enjoyable, focused on community, and conversation prompts that allowed for deeper relationships, depending on the group.
And over the last few years, I decided to celebrate holidays out in nature with hiking or running, coyly stating I was “exploring the gifts God gave us.” But, with some truth, I’ve always felt most connected in nature.
The way I learned about God and the Bible, I saw it as too black-and-white. Do this. Don’t do that. And if you stray from the way we interpret the Bible, you’re wrong and will be punished. I categorized all Christians to have the same rigid beliefs around social rights, which rubbed me the wrong way.
Over the last year, I found myself surrounded by more and more people with a deep faith in God or some higher power. After countless signs, I’ve started actively exploring what faith means to me again.
Curious Enough to Try
It really started with that conversation, but you can’t just think yourself into things. I took a step and reached out to a friend I knew attended a nearby church. I told myself I would give it another chance. I like to live by the saying, “Try everything once, twice to be sure (within reason).” I’m not sure if I heard this or made it up, but I’ve said it since high school. Sometimes our first impressions are very reactive, and we don’t get the real thing. For example, if our first ever sip of orange juice was immediately after brushing our teeth and we never tried it again, then no one would drink OJ.
I digress. So, yes. Church. We’re back. But this time, I wasn’t just showing up. I showed up curious. Leading me to Alpha, a program hosted by this church (and many others) that brings people together in small groups to discuss and explore life and the questions we have openly. It’s a space where nothing should be left unsaid. Questioning is encouraged.
A few weeks in, I found myself looking forward to those conversations more than I expected. In week three, the topic hit really close to home.
Between Faith and Doubt
Week Three’s focus was on faith and doubt. Now, what’s really cool about my group is that everyone is diverse in their beliefs, background, and upbringing. Some are devout Christians, others are skeptical but want faith in something, some have gone through multiple spiritual journeys, and others I don’t know where they are, but they do a lot of listening. At some point, there was a silence, and all I could think about was this question looming: “Can I have faith in myself or others if I don’t have faith in God?”
After a long enough silence, I blurted it out. Different beliefs started coming out. Some were a hard yes; they historically fell back on themselves and their relationships. Some thought maybe you could, but shouldn’t. I tried to keep listening, but thoughts filled my mind. The question wasn’t so much about belief as it was about where we place our faith.
A Love Without ‘Buts’
It’s not a matter of whether we can have faith in ourselves or others without faith in a higher power. We can, we do this daily. But humans are fragile and breakable. The thing I’m learning about God is that this love never ends. It’s unwavering. Unbreakable.
Faith isn’t about power, certainty, or control. It’s about surrendering to a love that doesn’t come with any ‘buts.’ It doesn’t depend on performance, success, or perfection. It’s the only unconditional love.
Putting faith in a love that’s unconditional steadies the rest. It strengthens, not weakens, our ability to have faith in ourselves and others.
My journey is just starting and I’m still figuring out what that means to me. I have more questions than I started with. I’m seeing that faith is less about rules and more about relationships, not just with myself and others, but with something far greater than both.
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